old poem i found in high school

Was it because I went to sleep
Thinking always of him
That I caught a glimpse of him?
Had I known it a dream
I would not have awoken.

Ono no Kamachi
-------------------------------------
Can someone please stop the rain?

August was a pretty tough month. I'm glad that August is over and that it's time to move on. It's been pretty wild adjusting to this new city. I've finally settled into that little pink shoebox I now call home. I felt as if I renewed my independence, after living almost on my own for 7 years going through 3 different Katipunan pads, I've successfully become an official resident of this (horribly) rainy city. But nothing much has changed about how I live. I refuse to start cooking without a fridge at home. And sure enough, I still knock incessantly on a neighbor's door (in a way, a new Gela, a new Francis or a new Drew).

It was also on August that I braved the highways of Ambuklao to Nueva Vizcaya to Ifugao just to view the Rice Terraces and have really good Benguet coffee (oh, the irony). My car has been through some tough travels now -- Zambales, Batangas, Baguio and now to add to the list: Banaue. It was exhilarating, even though I was a nervous wreck the entire time, feigning confidence for the sake of Marge.

It was in August that I replenished a month's supply of melatonin in San Juan. I've lived for over twenty years in the sunniest, hottest beach cities in the country. And the unending rain, fog and general gloom of Baguio has been slowly killing me with what Tessa says is seasonal affective disorder. It's probably accurate since I've felt so much better after hitting the beach.

But I still have painful thoughts of August, for I had to say goodbye to two of the friends who understand me the most. I've changed so much after having met them and now I have to live the life they helped shape without them. I was pretty emotional thinking of the miles between us stretching, increasing this awful feeling of abandonment. But, life does go on and the daily grind isn't as bleak as I, on occasion, paint it to be.

i can hardly wait to get my baby!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r490KKGN8mw

Asked a girl what she wanted to be
She said, Baby, can't you see?
I wanna be famous, a star of the screen
But you can do something in between

Baby, you can drive my car
Yes, I'm gonna be a star
Baby, you can drive my car
And maybe I'll love you

I told that girl that my prospects were good
And she said, Baby, it's understood
Working for peanuts is all very fine
But I can show you a better time

Baby, you can drive my car
Yes, I'm gonna be a star
Baby, you can drive my car
And maybe I'll love you
Beep beep mm beep beep, yeah

Baby, you can drive my car
Yes, I'm gonna be a star
Baby, you can drive my car
And maybe I'll love you

I told that girl I could start right away
When she said, Listen, baby, I got something to say
I got no car and it's breaking my heart
But I've found a driver and that's a start

Baby, you can drive my car
Yes, I'm gonna be a star
Baby, you can drive my car
And maybe I'll love you
Beep beep mm beep beep, yeah
Beep beep mm beep beep, yeah
Beep beep mm beep beep, yeah
Beep beep mm beep beep, yeah
Beep beep mm beep beep, yeah

Despite the seemingly useless posting of a beatles song, there is no better way of letting go of this grim mood I've been in. It's not easy to explain, but for the moment, I'd like to express just how happy I am that in 30 minutes from now, I'll be going to the casa to get my baby Falkor :)


(baby) I CAN DRIVE MY OWN CAR NOW!

another on my list of firsts:

car accident:I never imagined that I would get hit almost head on, on a ONE WAY STREET, dammit.

ONE BIG SIGH

Tonight, I'm driving Jan to Victory and he's gonna ride that bus, sleep for six hours and wake up in Katipunan. And tomorrow, I'll scoot to work, alone, and I'll do the same on Saturday and Monday.

Last weekend, I survived with the help of Miki who kept me company in the car on Friday. Last saturday Jan's mom and I went on a date, sipping hot chocolate in John Hay, went bargain hunting in the thrift tower along Session road. Later that night, Miki joined us for a few rounds of beer and some awesome laughs.

But come this weekend, I'll probably sit home alone cause I'm so tired and I need to just lie down and rest. And finally, my shoebox of a home isn't ready for occupancy yet, so chances are I'll be moving in within the next two to four weeks from now.

On the brighter side, my life's plan is still on schedule, on track and I'm still excited to be here. I can't wait to move in and I can't wait for everything to happen, just as planned.

rainy days shouldn't fall on mondays

I've learned several new things last week, including never to propose that your class be held at 7 in the morning. For my entire college life, I've had a dozen classes at 7 in the morning. Seriously there's Math, the Majors, the GEs and hell, even the PEs, even some electives were all at 7. And in my two years of lab and recitation teaching, I've had at least one 7am class in a week. But I didn't know that here where its crazy cold, its twice as hard to get up and it seems uncalled for to hold classes that early. Here, the "kids" would rather stay til 8 in the evening just to steer clear of waking up so early. 8 in the fucking evening, seriously?!

Another one I learned last week is that rain is gonna something I'll have to deal with constantly. As much as I love the sun and would rather keep my complexion by going to the beach on a regular basis, alas, this has been a choice I made without hesitation. To make myself feel a little better, I bought myself some killer boots. And if, by luck, some money is thrown in at my way, I'd like to buy more rain clothes. Everything in my closet seems radically inappropriate for this town.

But the best thing I learned is that ride and roll serves the best giant margaritas, perfect cap to such a rainy week (especially because it was nina's treat). :D

happy birthday :)

♥

Moving to baguio week 1 summary

It's been raining and my clothes all stink from not drying too well. My feet are constantly wet and the papers I keep in my drawer are all soggy. I have to mix the right airconditioner/heater temperature to keep the fog off my windshield. My legs hurt from all the uphill walks and my belly is filled with rice and fatty food. I haven't exactly started working yet since classes start next week. I constantly worry about A(H1N1), I shiver in my sleep, and I have an apartment that I can't move into until next week. I haven't had a drop of alcohol since over two weeks.

But I love it here, so far. :) see you all later, we're taking the bus back home (katipunan) for the weekend :)

we're moving!

hi kids,

we're moving to baguio tomorrow. i'll be sure to write down bits and pieces of the stuff that's gonna go on with my life, if not to keep in touch with you, also to document one of the most adult things i've done so far.

i still have the following things to complete though, so i won't be so isolated yet:

1. bound copies of my edited thesis manuscript
2. nrcp application form
3. clearance form (for my resignation)
4. my TOR and other shit
5. hopefully my theses in paper form

(oh if only moving to europe's gonna come sooner, but let me think about that later when i'm done with all the paperwork, and when i've actually found a university that's gonna accept me. hehe.)

but i think this is the best way of leaving --quick. no time to ponder on whether i'm doing the right thing or pining away thinking of when i'm leaving my soon-to-be old life. things are less messy this way.

i'll miss you all :( i'm a little scared since i don't really have friends there. but at least jan's gonna be with me.

i'm also moving to my own place, which i have to look for on saturday.

damn, this is fast! hahaha!

edit: i just read my previous entry. (1) check. (2) check.

because nothing else is on my mind

So I've been so silent since over a month ago. It was when I found out that what I've been working for is all coming to a grand finale, a do or die hour and a half that will decide the rest of my life. After living on a diet of salt, fat and sugar, growing my hide and looking in shambles, I woke up today and decided be a little proactive.

I've set my datebook to include a mock defense and scheduled visits to my reader and my panel. Unfortunately, though I look a little human today, I haven't accomplished anything yet. And just a minute ago, I find out that one of my panel members are at ease working at 7-8 in the morning. I haven't woken up earlier than 8 since this began, so I wonder how I'll be able to see him. I haven't even a copy of my own manuscript since I'm completely out of ink.

Later, when all this is over and done with, i will do two things: (1) play restaurant city and (2) look for a job.

Wish me luck.

well, this is it folks

I've finally done the deed. I've submitted a draft, summarizing some aspects of what I've done in my research life for the past two years. I'm not certain of how impressive it is, and frankly, right now, I'm running out of gas. The past two and a half weeks contains this list:

- almost a hundred pages of texts, figures and equations printed 4 times over
- sleepless nights and missed training sessions with some OJTs i'm assigned to
- a lost and recovered wallet and a canceled credit card. (i'm penniless none the less.)
- a sick kidney
- hundreds of kilometers registered on my odometer
- caffeine enough for a year
- a very tired Jessie

and yet there is still two weeks of this shebang. I just hope I don't die before it's all over.

But what to do after? Please don't ask me yet. (Please.)

I am experiencing a rush to the head. The days have gone so fast and waking has been difficult. I have dreams that go on and on as if sleeping were waking and waking were sleeping. It's immensely perplexing how deeply involved I am right now with these idiotic thoughts that swim in my head. I think I've gone mad with exhaustion. It began with a dream, then suddenly I'm no longer myself. I try to hide my obsessions and my inability to focus. But I'm failing miserably.

Last Sunday, I suffered a sleeping spell. I was feverish and asleep for 36 hours. I slept away an entire day, under delirious red skies and an intense summer heat. I recall only waking to receive medicine from Jan. And Last night, after midnight, I've felt the worst. I've managed to lock my keys inside the car and walk towards wrong corners that gape, waiting to swallow me whole. I've promised myself some sleep but alas! I can't escape my dreams, I can't escape these convoluted ideas that travel across slumber's skies. I've lost it. I wish tonight would be different, I'd like to stop dreaming. Today I've managed to take in some food and good coffee to help me focus. I've been drowning myself in work to keep my mind from spiraling into non-existent far away avenues, and feeling my gut being torn apart, my limbs weak and my mouth yearning. It has been exhilarating, but I'd like to take some rest.